Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Renegade 1.

I laid there, flat on my back staring at the dark, barren trees.  I didn't know this would be the last time that I would feel the cold, damp dirt from home against my skin.  I didn't realize this was the start of my  journey across the country to The Cities.  I had only known one person to survive the cities; Uncle Aabe.  He was more of a father than an uncle now, but he always insisted that I not confuse the two.  What did it matter?  Father? Uncle? Provider?  Mentor? Trainer?  Protector.  

I grew up being told that everything used to be different.  Things were not always so difficult and chaotic.  There was a time before where people tried, cared, and even worked together.  There were rules and laws, and hell, there were even manners.  But that was before The War to End All Wars, before the bombs, before the New Way.

For a 17 year old, I was fairly lucky.  I had a roof over my head, fresh food, and endless ammunition.  I was set.  My uncle brought me to the farm when I was only 3.  I don't remember much before that. I barely remember my mother's face.  I only have one small memory of her, but its tarnished. I remember seeing her intense green eyes stuck in a dead glare staring at me from her bloodied face as we both lay in the grass facing each other.  I don't know why she bled, but I remember being whisked away by my father.  I knew it was him because I remembered his scent and I remember my tiny fingers getting tangled in his tight curls as he ran from my mother's body. 

I didn't cry.  
I haven't cried.  
I don't think I can.  

My father brought me to my uncle that day. I never saw him again.  I found a picture of my him in a book under my uncle's table once.  He was a chizzled man with tight black curls and deep, dark, chocolate eyes.  His skin was a smooth shade of peanut butter and he had a dimple in his chin.  I wish my uncle didn't burn that photo.  It was all I had left.  Memories fade.  He told me we had to forget our past in order to move into the future.  What we didn't know couldn't haunt us.  

He was wrong.  It the past always comes back.

They were here for blood; four males, one female.  My uncle tried to stop them at the door. We had always planned ahead in case of an attack.  Uncle said they would come, one day.  That's what happens when you let your guard down.  They come.  They come and drag your uncle out the front door and shoot him in the back of the head before he has a chance to blink.  No last words, no checking if you have the right guy, just pure execution.  That's when they found me. I was walking back to the house, chopped wood in hand,  when I heard the shot and saw Aabe fall face down, dead.

Instincts kicked in.

I ran.  Not away from the assailants, but towards them.  I had trained all my life for this moment.  To put it simply,  they were going to die.

That's when I, too, was shot and laid out to die. So there I laid thinking 'if I play dead, I'll have the upper hand'.  Bad plan.   These were scum hired to kill two randoms.  They weren't here for revenge or blood.  They were here for money, and apparently lust.

The male that shot me wasn't a great shot.  His 35 caliber grazed my head just enough to make me bleed like it was a point blank shot. This sick bastard was already standing over my body grinning so hard drool was seeping out the right corner of his mouth.  He fumbled with his belt buckle as if he couldn't get it off fast enough.  Then he started muttering "yeah, mmmm, yeah yeah."  As he got down on his knees and reached for my pants. 

The second he grabbed my waist belt, I grabbed both his hands, pulled both my legs up, and shoved my heels so hard into his face, that I don't know if he died from me snapping his neck, or if he bled out from me ripping his arms off his body. If he had been alone, I would have beat his lifeless body with his own arms just to make a point.  But I had four other psychos to deal with.

It was a beautiful sight, almost poeticn. I stood there with two limbs, one in each hand, while the other four stared back.I contemplated which one would die next. But before I was able to choose, they hopped into their military style Humvee and sped off leaving their friend behind in a pool of blood at my feet.

How to Spread Yourself Thin

My latest DIY Mug Creations!
I'm starting to realize that I'm spreading myself too thin. Spreading yourself thin is easy!

First, have a kid.
Then, get a husband (if you don't have one already).
Next, get a full time job (again...if you don't have one already).

Now you're ready to begin!

Now, get bored, and grow a need to share your skills with the world! Then realize your skills are amazing and should not be thrown away for free. Then also realize that you have to give your skills away for free but only in the beginning to give yourself a name.  So start giving your skills away for free by making crafts as giveaways for a second job.

Did I forget to mention the second job?

In between your current life and your thinly spread life, acquire a second job that doesn't quite pay and doesn't quite meet all the sparkly benefits that were promised, but you're good at it so you keep doing it in hopes that the success will come and the hard work and money will pay off.

So now you're employed, self employed with second job, and crafting in your spare time to keep you sane.  Start volunteering!!  It'll be fun!  You can design stuff for people who need your help.  You'll make a difference, and your stuff will matter!  Start thinking of a million and one ideas per day. Each idea should be feasible, and should potentially make you money, or be a great starter business, or free up some of your extra time, or be great to do with the family.  But at the end of the day, you'll do none of it.  You'll post, and pin, and tweet, and research, but to no avail.  You may even write down in a blog somewhere where no one reads to discuss the hardships of honing your skills so that one day you can be someone. But no one reads the blog, so who cares.  At least its there to show up on your personal website that you have thought about updating for WEEKS but haven't had the time or energy to do so.

I think I'm getting off track.  Maybe because I'm spreading myself too thin.  I need to focus.

But the cups are still cute right?  I could probably get $5 for one.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

RENEGADE - It's Happening!


A post-apocalyptic story of revenge, determination, and love.

What the heck are you talking about? It was the year 2011...or was it 2012?  Any-who, we were camping in Minnesota.  We?  Me, Rob, the group.  Whilst drinking a few beers, my friend Rocco and I got into a big "what if" hypothetical story of a biker who lived in the woods and had no care in the world...but why?  How?  What did this renegade go through in life to put her where she was?  Characters evolved, story lines were created, and we were left unsatisfied.  We wanted to truly KNOW this character, this "Renegade".  

Therefore, I am pleased to announce that I am actually doing what I say I will do for once, and Renegade will be breathing life (in spurts) on my blog....that no one reads.   Sadly its true, but hopefully that will change.

Renegade will be a dark, post-apocalyptic tale with some twists & turns, flaws, and a touch of happiness.  I cannot wait to see how it evolves.  I am just happy it is finally evolving.

To be continued....

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Hunting....for a house.

Its not "shopping" when you are on a small budget...its "hunting".  Why the violent terminology relating to death?  Because...that's what it IS.

You find this beauty.  You check her out, follow her, set your sights and try to claim your prize...then BAM! Someone else comes along and steals. your kill right from under your nose.

But if you happen to get the deal, you feel like you won a prize!  You want to mount the closing papers on your wall as if it were a 12 point buck!!  Its a hunt...its a steal...but it sure isn't merely "shopping".

That is left for the wealthier more picky types, not me.

My time will come.  I shall rise to the occasion! And once I get my kill, I will rub it in the face of all those sore losers!

No more playing fair.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Addicted to Sewing

Addicted is probably a minor way of putting how I feel. 

When im not sewing, im thinking of the next thing I want to make.  When I AM sewing, I'm visualizing the finished product.  When I have free time, I want to sew.  I ask my husband what he thinks about the purses I've made (as if he'd even have helpful feedback).  My son watches sew so much that he wants to help me sew.  I think of punny phrases that replace "so" with "sew".  I made myself a special logo for my sewing projects!

Its crazy.  But me and that machine have a special bond.  If only that bond coukd make me buttloads of money!  I am selling my bags at an upcoming craft show.  Hopefully my work gains me some fans. 

Im not looking for fame...just some good loving homes for my inventory so I can continue on with my addiction.

Its healthy having a hobby...right?

Thursday, October 9, 2014

What You Love...

My inspiration...the tote I sewed
What do you love? Do you know what you love?  Do you do what you love?

If you said yes to both of those questions, well then good for you!

If you said no to one or both, well you have some work to do.

Personally, I know what I love.  Unfortunately for me, what I love tends to change often.  But I do try to do what I love.  It's sometimes hard to find time...but I do what can.

What do I love to do?  I love to make things.  I've decided to pin down what it is that I am into at any given time then focus on that one thing until I'm sick of it.  Right now, that happens to be sewing.  I am sewing purses and fixing clothes.  Yeah, I get really frustrated sometimes.  Yeah, I wish I had more time to dedicate to my loved hobby.  Heck, I could be sewing right now instead of BLOGGING.  But at least I have found something I enjoy, and I can escape the world for those few moments whilst I sew my little heart out.

What is the point of all this?  You need to find something you love!  It will make you feel successful, accomplished, and happy all at once.  Remember, it's something you love.  You're worth it!  You should do what you love...and if you can make a living doing it, then you're a step ahead of the rest of us.

Monday, August 11, 2014



Blog.  Blogging.

When you look at the word long enough it just starts looking silly.  Maybe its just my brain.  Its fried.  My life is organized chaos.

I have too many ideas and not enough hours in a day...not enough days in a week...not enough years in my lifetime.  I can't do it all, but damnit im going to try!

Off topic.  Im back.  Blogging.

This is my very first blog EVER.  Of all the people I know, I am the first one that I would expect to have one.  I didn't.   But that has been rectified. 

All is right in the world.

So what will you see from me?  I design things both electronic and in real life.  Im a hands on diy type...just a big ole busy body. I have a name and a website too.  X72 designs!  I will be someone oneday.

I may vent when I get comfortable enough.  Who knows... maybe I'll get philosophical.  But for now I just need to get past the word blog...blogging.  To blog.

I think I'm getting it.